The movie opens with several roller punks savaging beating an old homeless man almost
to death (this is important later)
Two angels Bartleby and Loki have been cast out of heaven, the reason for this is Loki after
spending many years as God's avenging angel of death was convinced by his friend Bartleby
(during a post-genocidal kegger [all the first born sons of Egypt]) that killing in God's name
was not a cool thing. Loki throwing down his flaming sword gives God the finger and quits,
God angry at the two disgruntled angles banishes them to Wisconsin for all eternity. He also
makes so future angles can't hold their liquor (literally) any time an angel in this movie
tries to drink a beer or something they spit it all over themselves.
Meanwhile, several things are happening :
(1) Bethany works in an abortion clinic as a sort of F-YOU! to God, she got pregnant early
and had an abortion the Doctor screwed up and now Bethany is infertile.
(2) There is a great debate within the city government weather or not to keep the old man (that
was beaten) alive on support or let him die, strong religious organizations are arguing that
he be left alive.
(3) In a Catholic church in New Jersey, a new flamboyant priest is pushing for a great revival
in the church. He has set up a day for great forgiveness, hence walk into the church on this
day and your sins will be removed (this is a hilarious part in the movie where the priest
claims that the crucifix is too depressing a symbol for Catholics and that a small icon of
Jesus giving a 'thumbs up' sign would be much more appropriate)
(4) Bartleby and Loki hear about this automatic de-sinning and decide to make their way to
New Jersey, and use this loop-hole in Catholic dogma in order to get back home. They have
never tried to get back home for fear of being banished to New Jersey (ironic they think).
(5) Bethany returns home one evening to be encountered by Meteron (I am hoping this will be played
by Alan Rickman who is listed in the cast) the 'voice' of God. After fending off Bethany's
attacks and claims that he has broken in her apartment to rape her, Meteron explains who he
is :
(I believe some of the dialogue is as follows)
Metron: I'm the voice of God, Look anytime you hear of some guy talking to God he's either talking to himself or me
* Stuff Snipped *
Meteron: If you were to hear the real voice of God your soul would implode, We went through 5 Adams before we figured that out. :)
Meteron explains to Bethany that she must stop Bartleby and Loki from entering the church thus having their sins removed so they can return to heaven. If this were to happen it would prove God is wrong a major paradox would occur and all life and reality would unravel.
Meteron also tells Bethany that she will have help from two men who will say something about 'prophets'. Was of them doesn't say much the other talks all of the time.(HMMMM?)
On her way back to the clinic, Bethany is attacked by the same group of roller punks from the
beginning of the movie.
Jay and Silent Bob jump out and defeat them. Jay says they are hanging outside the Abortion
clinic in order to pick up chicks (why would the women be at an abortion clinic in the first
place). Jay says that he hopes to make some sort of 'profit' Bethany now realizes whom her
help is coming from.
The three continue on their quest. On the way they are met (actually he falls out of the sky)
by Rufus.
Rufus (and I am really happy about this) will be played by Chris Rock. Rufus is the 13th
apostle, hacked off because he was left out of the Bible and no one remembers him. He hopes
to help on the quest so that he might get the fame he deserves (and so he can make everyone
remember that Jesus was 'blacker then Jessie' Rufus was stoned in Antiock when he told the
citizens this bit of info).
The roller punks turn out to be demons sent out to stop the crew of travellers. The 'Shit
Monster' (as you mentioned played by Ethan Suplee) is in fact a demon made out of Human waste,
there is a big fight scene including this monster. By the end of the movie their is lots of
action, guns, angelic murder sprees, and lots of planned FX (I think that's why Kevin Smith
must have decided to wait and do the other movies first) that have been outlined. If they
stick with the script (WOW!).
Also in movie it is revealed that God has a thing for skee ball and was on Earth playing it
when he was attacked (the homeless man) the evil bad guys are keeping God on life support so
he will not die and return to heaven. Satan actually has no knowledge of all of this and the
bad guy is actually another fallen angel with his own agenda for destroying Reality.
Another character (Serendipity) that joins the quest is something of a Muse whom was bored
with 'inspiring' people took some money and came to Earth to see if she could make it herself. She ends up
stripping in a club for money. She can give inspiration to anyone on Earth but when it comes
to herself.
She can't think of a damn thing. She helps Jay and Silent Bob out of a gang war (Jay mouths
off to the gang leader and is suprised when Bob says he has no gun) by 'inspiring' them to
start singing the Fat Albert theme, which the gang leader loves and lets them go (can't wait
to see that).
This movie will be outstanding!
YES THERE ARE STAR WARS QUOTES IN THIS MOVIE!!!
[SCRIPT SUMMARY BY FERRET]
