Starring Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Alan Rickman, Chris Rock, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith and Alanis Morisette.
Directed by Kevin Smith

Take a deep breath, have a beverage at hand, and come wander with me if you will through the labyrinth that is "THE PLOT OF DOGMA". Affleck and Damon are Bartelby and Loki, fallen angels condemned to spend eternity in the grey state of Wisconsin for crimes related to Sodom and Gomorrah. They have a propensity for creating havoc, which does not go down too well in Heaven understandably. Cutting short their hobby of nun baiting to read a newspaper article, they learn of a new drive on the part of the Roman Catholic church to convince the American public that Jesus is your "cool" buddy. A church in New Jersey is to be re-dedicated and blessed creating a loophole in Catholic dogma enabling the winged ones to return to paradise. The proviso is that all humankind will be destroyed and those in the know, of which there are many, are keen to keep things as they are.

God is busy with her winter sports - better read that one more time - but she despatches her chief angel Melatron (Rickman) to locate the one who is charged with rescuing civilisation: Bethany (Fiorentino), an infertile divorcee who works in an abortion clinic. Though in the throes of questioning her own religious beliefs and thus needing some time to be convinced of the angel's plan, she agrees to take on the mission aided by two prophets who are as unknowing and sceptical as herself: Jay (Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith), possessors of much hashish but little else. The sanity see-saw is balanced by the arrival of Rufus (Rock), the thirteenth apostle left out of the Last Supper, and all other biblical records because of his colour. Pride and prejudice take on a new meaning here.

Salma Hayek is a late entry onto the Bible bashing team as The Muse of all existence ("responsible for nineteen of the twenty highest grossing movies of all time, but not that piece of shit 'Home Alone'") and completing the mangy manger of characters we have Azrael (Lee), Smith's stock player, a hell dwelling horn sprouting demonic figure who, together with three rollerblading lifesize Chucky-like teenagers, is responsible for alerting Loki and Bartleby to their last chance to leave earth.

Smith is a practising Catholic and 'Dogma' is his New Testament. If a man is capable of penning and filming an ode to the wasted years and flakey relationships borne out a shopping centre - 'Mallrats' - but can also derive humour from racism, sexism, homophobia, and latent homosexuality in the comic book world - 'Chasing Amy' - he's bound to denigrate Rome and all organised religions for their blind, cruel, and unwavering reliance on false prophets, false truths, and fictional events. Fine, sock it to 'em Kev, but did you not think that the fart and shit gags should either have been (1) left on the storyboard for once, or, (2) worked on and not left to act as some poor, rare relief from the non-stop storm of theology and hate-ology.

You'll agree with many of Smith's tenets, but his argument is stretched and lost with such a large and celebrated cast. It feels as if Smith was under pains to give each actor a meaty part, such are their respective standings in the entertainment world, but it's un-necessary, considering that Bethany and Bartleby are the only characters invaluable to the film's mission. All religious epics have a smell of waste about themselves : over-large budget, too many stars with too little to say, and 'Dogma' is no exception. Critical and commercial opinion will be diverse and will fluctuate in the future as Smith's previous offerings have experienced. He has kept the edge and the kiss-off to convention of 'Chasing Amy', but has filmed a companion piece to 'Mallrats': an informed, well armed, but honourable disappointment. - Pat Mac Mellow